Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.
At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.
To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.
Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride
Review by Twinsie Angie
I haven’t laughed this hard for a loooong time. I have to tell you/warn you to be ready for the hysterical outburst of laughter….like I freaking SNORTED I was laughing so hard. I even almost spit my sweet tea across the room at one point. So if I must “warn you about this book” please be careful not to choke and die during fits of giggles and laughter while reading.
So this book is about a typical girl who likes to shop…hello Prada. She has the gross habit of smoking. She decided to smoke a bunch til she puked and then get hypnotized so she wont smoke again. Well she goes and ends up becoming a vampyre instead. I have to stay the best parst of the novel are the beginning and meeting all the people who are sent to help Astrid. Her “angel ” Pam who is a foul mouthed doppelganger of Oprah. Her Warrior trained Fairy “The Kev” who looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger …….I was cracking up at the fact The Kev is fashionably challenged. Then we meet Paris Hilton the goth chick who doen’t own any hotel chains….The demons who Astrid cares for are names Ross, Rachel, Beyonce and Honest Abe. I have to say….hilarious!!!
Astrid is the chosen one who will save the Vamps from the demons. I will say the story has some awesome plot twisits. I would be laughing my ass off and then say “DAMN IT SHE DID IT AGAIN!!!” Robyn wrote an awesome story to any and all paranormal people. Astrid meets what she assumes is a rogue vampyre and vanishes before he can kill her. she later remeets this vampyre and realizes he is the prince who she is to save and protect being the chosen one….well the prince decided to take matters into his own hands and starts the mating cycle with a public bite……oooops Astrid is embarrassed that she “has a great O” while standing in front of 600 vamps….lol. The couple have a great chemistry. I loved the dynamic of the two main characters. I loved the side characters of Heathcliff and Gemma.
The chosen one is to save the king, vampyres, and friends from the demons and rogue vampyres…….
I really want to just write the whole plot here but if i do then you wont one click buy it so I am going to STOP and say….listen to me…buy it for a great story and a lot of laughter.
Robyn writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include shoes (the expensive kind), Coke with extra ice in a styrofoam cup, and bejeweled reading glasses.
A former professional actress, she now lives in the south with her family and too many animals to count. Writing gives her a chance to have a job where working in her P.J.’s is acceptable. You can follow Robyn at http://www.robynpeterman.com and at Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Robyn-P….